Felocity

After the morning's roller coaster from hell, I finally got to settle some things down and got to digest stuff. For those that read this regularly, I will reference this posting at a later date, when the time is right. For now, after all was said and done, KK and I are apart. She is with a guy named LT, who is (in a lot of good ways) protecting her from HB. HB and KK are apart now too. Gone are the days of her abusive boyfriend. For that I am thankful, even if I am not the means by which she left him. But she did leave him, one thing I told KK I wanted her to do, regardless of what was the result. I talked to her briefly on the phone, and then briefly on the net from Amb's house, and now she is gone. Only 4 people know where she is, and of the 4, I am NOT listed. The 4 are close friends of LT, and will keep her safe. That is what is best I keep telling myself. It hurts though. She promised to send me a letter or two. I pray that she will, because even after all this, she is still one of the dearest people I know, and one of the most important people in my life.

I don't know how to deal with this though, because part of me thinks this isn't real, and that it was the tool she used to escape HB. The other part of me prays I am right, because if she is going to leave without telling me bye (or at the VERY least, telling me off) I think that would come close to destroying me. She did ask if when this was all over if I would still be there, and I told her that I would. She said she loved me in the way that only she could, and that was that. Gone, vanished from my life. Or is she? Hell, I don't know. I said I would change her passwords though, so that she would have locked email and stuff. No sense in other people going into it and stuff. I will clean for her. We had this talk God knows how long ago. And it was a promise I intend to keep. Jakob, if something shoudl happen to me, I want you to delete it. All of it. Erase me from the Internet, make it so that I am just a memory in everyone's mind, nothing more. I don't want people going through my stuff. I don't want people seeing things they don't need to see. Promise me Jakob that you will delete it for me?…

I'm addicted to cigarette lips and strawberry hair.

One week will never be enough for me when it comes to KK. I swear this week went by so fast and had so many ups and downs and twists and turns, that I think I lost track of the time between then, now, and 3am when KK would roll over in her sleep and plant her elbow squarely in my gut. They came, they went, and my house right now is empty - except for me. I am not used to it now, and the quiet is strange and it is also painful. I'm going through withdrawls. …