Felocity

It's amazing what a few years do to a person. This time four years ago I dubbed myself the luckiest man alive and the only person that I had qualms with was a kid who threw shit at me during lunch. It was simple then, clean and pure. I look back now over what has been a really muddy four years and I can see how I've changed. I'm not as passive as I used to be, the kid who threw things at me in high school is now just a name I hear once and a while, and I think I have hurt about as many people (if not more) that have ever hurt me. And so now I sit, staring graduation in the face six months off and I can't shake a single thought from my head. "Fuck," I say to myself ever so slowly, "what now?" It's the big question I was scared to ask back in high school and am somewhat worried about now. I mean sure I can delay the inevitable job and mundane day to day existence by chasing down my master's degree at the same wonderful institute I will be acquiring my BS from. Even so, that only delays "life" for about a year or so. So how is this so called life different from what I am doing now? It's a day to day existence with an end nowhere in sight, the monotony broken up with friends, drama, and the occasional video game. In the end though, it all comes back to the people who I clashed with, who I hurt, and who I am probably nothing more than a passing name to as well- much like the kid who threw things at me back in High School. I'm not really sure how that makes me feel, to be pleasantly forgotten, especially by someone who meant a lot to you (and at one point a lot you to them). For whatever reason though, things went haywire, you gave up on each other, or there was just a monkey wrench of destructive hormones, the result of which was something likened to complete chaos- the result scattered debris.

I suppose in the end it really sucks that I write this knowing full well neither of the two people will ever read this. I have a mutual friend that talks to both of them, and I can find out bits about their life that way, but I'm sure at one point that too will vanish and fade. For the rest of my life though, I will be carrying the burden of the two people I seriously wronged in my life, for which now, even more than a year or more I still kick myself for. And I don't message, or call, or e-mail them because I can't find the words that say how sorry I am, how wrong I was, or how stupid a boy I was. I don't think the English language has words for it, and if there are words, they are probably forgotten.…

Our fridge has far too much turkey in it currently, which while I don't object to taking food back to Monterey, I wonder how we ended up with so much left over. I then calmly remind myself we had a nineteen pound turkey for about twelve people. I think really that sums up Thanksgiving without really delving into the deeper intricacies of my family, a small thing everyone is thankful to be spared from. For better or for worse, there is never anything exciting that transpires at family get-togethers. No drama, no chaos, the worst thing possibly being the minor inconvenience of having family around; so really there is nothing bad, it's just boring.

Ever since I beat Final Fantasy Tactics: Advance (still working towards 300 missions), I have been picking on two other games to bide my time with. The first of these is Mario Kart: Double Dash, and the second is Neopets. I would also mention One Piece Treasure Battle, but my opinions on that game will only matter to a select few. Double Dash is just more of the insane fun you loved in the original Mario Kart. In the single player mode, many of the elements are identical, and sadly so are many of the courses. While not spot-on identical, you have a modern Gamecube version of the beach (with water that rises and falls), Wario Stadium, and Rainbow Road just to name a few. Where this game does shine though is when you start getting multiple people playing. The more people you have (via linked gamecubes) the more fun Double Dash is. However, in the end, it is a bargain bin buy, unless you happen to be a rabid Mario Kart fan. There just isn't enough that is innovative and new to keep it interesting.…

I woke up late this morning. While not actually late for anything in particular, I consider waking up after about nine or ten a.m. waking up "late". I really hate wasting mornings, especially when I have all the time in the world to work on homework and stuff. That being said, I think I probably needed the sleep, given the long nights from the weekend. On the plus side, one Windows ME system has been fixed (or saved if you prefer). Friday night consisted of just talking and whatnot, Saturday consisted of backing up and installing, Sunday consisted of restoring data to the machine, and Sunday night involved one Jakob sleeping like a rock. And the 22nd went well to boot. For the uneducated, 11-22 is the day of breakups, of people dying, of bad sickness, and the general day of suck. I think the last time the day was mostly suck-free was 8th grade, but that's not really the point. For the first year in a long while, the 22nd had very little sucking. It, in fact, contrary to the expected outcome, it went very well. I'll keep it simple: it's nice to meow at someone and they meow back at you.

My capstone has evolved greatly over the past few weeks, which is to say it now sounds very different from what I was originally thinking. I've been writing and studying, and it is getting near the actual project start date. I'm a bit nervous, as I never remember planning any one thing out in this much detail, especially in the realm of project management. I have a bit more studying to do of the xoops system, including starting my own skeleton for everything, but that will come in time I think.…

I'm a computer pack rat when it comes to saving things. It only ends up in the recycle bin if someone else puts it there or if I am going to get some sort of sick satisfaction of trashing the little 1's and 0's. Since the later usually happens, I end up with tons upon tons of small files all over my computer. Every now and again, I get an urge to clean things out, oganize them, and put them in pretty labeled folders. And sometimes, just sometimes, I come across something I never even knew I had. This was one such occasion. I was cleaning out my c:web folder, reserved for all my websites, and realized I had a messy archive folder. Having lasted 5, 6, maybe even 7 formats, I had all sorts of folders that were meaningless. 5 of them were some variation of "web projects" alone. As I started cleaning, I unearthed my old RPG characters, my old web sites I thought lost for good (from my Old Sites page, consulting projects, site notes, captured layouts and ideas I thought were cool. About that last one, I came to realize these ideas were in fact not cool and actually pretty laughable.

I provide now for everyone's amusement, two web projects and why they are horrible: AliKatOnline :: Javascript based menus, DHTML, and an IFrame... Sunrunner,net :: frames, horrible colors, and oh my god is that the cheezy lightening effect? It is!…

Figures my next update would come after a convention. RECCACon 2003 was probably the most enjoyable con to work, despite its minor hiccups. I went from Stage Manager to lead tech, a move which I will probably get to a bit later. Many thanks to Jason, Christie, Ashley, Rachel, and the four Monterey people (Chris, Michelle, Kryn, Lisa) for helping bust some ass and making things so cool. There were 500 attendee badges, and by the end of the day, every last one of them was gone. I don't think I could better label a successful con.

I got on site with everyone about 12:30, delayed by a mix of rain, sleep, breakfast, and a stop by the bank. I briefly checked in with Jason, sought out Ashley, and took care of the one thing I wanted two weeks ago. "Ashley, show me exactly what you want." And she did, and I took notes, and we set times, and all was right and all was good. We put up some signs and then set the stage up in a mater of minutes. Logistics was amazing, my heart goes out to Jake (Duo) for being on top of just about everything. Somehow, ConOps got mangled, and he was also providing me personnel too, so a double massive thanks to him.…

Briefly, as in today, we go ahead and change up the layout on felocity.org. Chances are, if you are into One Piece, you know why. Expect the normal Upper left image back tomorrow.

(and maybe even a substantial post by then)…

Just sort of putzing in Don's class, seeing if I can't get a bit of work done on my side projects. One of them being the BAAS web site, the other being finishing part of my own, the third secret one being updating the Dragon Fang Gang web page. It's only been a year or so since the last major update, I think we are about due to add a year's worth of costumes and chaos into it. The new additions will be up to current costumes, and also group cosplay. I will probably also need some specs from some of the others who have joined in with collaborations (aka, those of you who joined us in One Piece cosplay, those of you who ran around with us during Super Smash Brothers Melee, etc). Unfortunately, I also need some pictures, and searching for everyone through cosplay.com is daunting at best. I figure about the 9th or so I will post all the updates so I have the weekend to hunt for any extra things I can.

RECCACon is coming soon, and by soon I mean the 15th. A one day anime deal from noon until midnight, and only costing $5. It doesn't get much better than that! Plus, I will be there helping out with Masquerade stuff. Which also reminds me I need to get the cosplay request forms, organized spreadsheets for MCs and Tech, and Judge Voting forms all made within the next three or so days.…

Photos of the great pirate party of 2003 are now posted for your amusement. We had bartending bondage kittens, pirates, "pirates", the law, and more! Many thanks for everyone that went, it was a lot of fun! I could tell you all about it, but these pictures really do speak for themselves.

If my life were margin notes, it would look like this: Halloween - squee! Dia de los Muertos could go take a flying leap, and Sunday was pretty damn good. It's been an interesting past couple of days, homework aside. I'm not totally sure how tonight will go, but I have come to like the unexpected a bit more. Anyway, now that I have stalled by reading the rest of the world's blogs, I shall now compress my story into a whole 3 minutes of fun (before the tutees prey upon my brain).

Second, Olive Garden was really nice. Had yummy pasta, got to talk with cool people, um... yeah.…