I'm addicted to cigarette lips and strawberry hair.
One week will never be enough for me when it comes to KK. I swear this week went by so fast and had so many ups and downs and twists and turns, that I think I lost track of the time between then, now, and 3am when KK would roll over in her sleep and plant her elbow squarely in my gut. They came, they went, and my house right now is empty - except for me. I am not used to it now, and the quiet is strange and it is also painful. I'm going through withdrawls.
They arrived last Friday as my family was getting packed to leave. Sarah came over as well to greet them and we hung out and then began searching for a hotel for them. We finally found one at the cost of $120 a night - such a rip off. But it was the best we could do. You see, the Special Olympics were this weekend along with a large soccer tournament. Some Cal-State national thing. So just about everything was booked solid. We ultimately ended up at the Comfort Suites in Rocklin, near the Wal-Mart. Dustin and Amb went to Wal-Mart to get some Mountain Dew. Sarah, KK, and I went outside and I went outside to chill, and KK lit up a cig. I asked her for it, took a small drag, and handed it back. It wasn't until later that I noticed Sarah go deathly silent. Anyway, just to clear things up, I don't usually smoke. Usually. I smoke about as often as I drink coffee, which is about once every 3-4 months. Is it healthy? No. But then again, a lot of stuff I have done, did, and will do are unhealthy as well. In fact, I am sure a few of them will be here in this entry at some point. But, I digress. So I took a small drag and passed it back. It wasn't until I was taking Sarah home that she voiced her opinion. "Why did you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Smoke."
"I do it about as often as I drink coffee - hardly ever. It helps me relax, but I make a point of avoiding smoking usually."
"I don't want you to."
And that was that, no more smoking for the trip.
With eyes that mirror shadows of my soul.
The next morning I had to work from 8-4:30, so I let them get somewhat acquainted with the town. Leave it to them to come and stop by work. I talked with them while working, and it was very good to see them. Once I got off though, I flew home and opened up the house so that they could get situated. This was when the rollercoaster began. KK took my room, Dustin took my brother's room, Puff on the couch, Amb in the guest room, and I well...I took my room too. In time, I suppose I will see if this was the best thing or the worst thing I ever did. More on that later though. The evening was spent chilling and getting used to the general layout of the house and letting everyone catch up on sleep. That night, KK and I took the next step in our relationship. No - correction, we took the next step and then took a big leap towards a step about 8 steps away. Was it the right thing? Probably not. But then again, we both know and understand the consequences that are associated with such a thing...we knew before we even started. And now begins a rather long 28 days. My actual opinion on the matter will come after all this, becuase I need not clutter up my talk with ramblings. So it happened. It wasn't as if some holy light from the heavens struck me and the heralds sang out to me as I gave up the one thing that has no actual value. No...it happened, and then it was over. And I lay there with KK snuggled in her arms, and I realized just how deep my love for her was. I have always cared the deepest for her and always wanted the best for her, but as I lay there breathing hard next to her I felt that I had just communicated in the purest form just how much I truly did love her. I think we actually fell asleep about 3 am or so.
And soft voice that always calls.
Sunday was Sunsplash day. We went to the waterpark, played mini-golf (KK and Amb call it "putt-putt"), and played in the arcade. I got to boast my "wonderful" Dance Dance Revolution skills. In short, they were lacking. At Fanime, Aurora and I mastered DDR 3rd mix. USA mix and 4th mix were at the arcade. I was about as effective as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. I did do Captain Jack though, a song that made it from 3rd to 4th mix. Butterfly was harder, and so was Naoki's Dynamite Rave. I shadowed some people though and got to teach them how to do it. It was fun to watch Amb and Puff try their luck at it. Then I got on there and did Captain Jack with KK. I just told her to follow my lead. Easier said than done. ;) By the time all was said and done, it was about 7:00 and Puff wanted to take KK to dinner and a movie. The plan was he would take KK to see Final Fantasy and we would all set up her party for when she got back. Well, Puff couldn't find the theater (in Sunrise mall) so they came home early. Da Stevemeister came through with some clear rum, some beer, and some mixes for everyone, and I provided the much harder stuff. To quote KK "I don't want to be plastered to the wall, I want to be a part OF the wall." She got what she asked for...except she overdid it. She was plastered THROUGH the wall, leaving a kitty sized hole as she was sent sailing across the street and became part of the wall - of the house across from us. In short, she was very trashed. 1/2 a glass of Black Velvet and a few sips of clear rum and she was gone. Heck, a few sips of Black Velvet and she was gone. We got her out to the couch, and she talked with Sarah while Steve, Chris, and I chilled. She kept telling Sarah how drunk she was, and I did my best to hide my concern. Something was really amiss, but I couldn't put my finger on it until later in the week. I went back to my parent's room and laid down out of sheer overload because the party was kind of a flop. I honestly felt responsible for what happened because nobody was dancing, they were just playing Nintendo. KK was put to rest in my bed and I talked with Sarah about how I felt and then I got a strange feeling. "How's KK doing?" I asked.
"I dunno," Sarah said, glancing to my room. "Do you want me to check on her?"
It was then as I opened my mouth I made a mistake I probably am going to blame myself for quite a few years from now. "Yeah," I said. "If you could." She had no idea how KK was really feeling, and came back saying she was just fine. I ignored my gut feeling that something was wrong. 5 minutes later I had a red stain on my sheets that reeked of alcohol. She had lost it and the salad she had for dinner came up with it. Yes, it was disgusting. Yes, it made me sick to look at. I caried her to the bathroom and set her before the toilet. She proceeded to remove the rest of the salad from her system at that point. I felt my own gag reflex wanting to kick in. I swallowed it. I would only make it worse at that point. It was in her hair. It was on the floor. It was in my room, on my bed, on my carpet, on my clothes. It was on her bag, on her towels, on her clothes. She spent the night with a comforter wrapped around her on the bathroom floor and slowly slipped into a deep sleep that she wouldn't be waking from any time soon. Once it was all cleaned up, the party slowly dispersed, and we all went back to "sleep". I think I finally fell asleep at about 4 am or so. Puff, Amb, and I had a long talk that night, and I admitted what KK and I had done the night before. Just like that, it was in the open. I would rather not have them guessing at something like that. I slept on my parent's bed that night, for all of 3 hours.
I'm addicted to late nights within her arms.
The next morning I spent at her side after she showered, letting her rest, and helping her fight one hell of a hangover. That girl NEVER gets hung over too, so this was all the worse for her. A total recovery day for everyone actually. I think KK began acting normal around 4 pm or so. Well, she was smiling anyway. Sarah came over, and we watched over her, and then I noticed something. She kept giving KK an 'evil eye' when she wasn't looking. Something was amiss, and so I pulled Sarah aside and talked to her. (Flashback time: About late April/Early May Sarah and I decided that we wanted to spend the summer hanging out and stuff, because we like each others' company so much. Over the first two months of summer, we began growing closer, and I couldn't hit the breaks because she cut the break pads. In all honesty, we were spening too MUCH time together.) Sarah was jealous of the attention I was giving KK, and I just stared at her in blank dismay. I had been with Sarah nonstop hanging out with her (also from lack of anything better to do) for 3 months and she wanted to be my STEADY?! And on top of this, we are going back to college and going to be 6 hours apart? And on top of that we will only get to see each other during breaks and summer? She had to be truly insane, although I didn't say as much. I instead asked her to please not be like that [jealous] and to let me enjoy my time with my friends, and she let the issue drop. Or so I thought. That night things happened once more. (Editor's note: Some people are likely to kill me because of this entry. If you are one of those people, please give me 24 hours advance notice.) KK doesn't know this, but she is very comfortable (and warm) to cuddle with. I dunno, she fits very neatly onto my shoulder, and she loves to shift in her sleep trying to get closer. It is VERY cute. She also likes to keep her arms around me, which I might add, is also a cute thing. She doesn't just cuddle, she snuggles.
Caught on her taste of deep desire.
The next day, Tuesday, was Monterey Day. Everyone was up and moving by 10, and we left at 11 that morning. I have never, I repeat, NEVER done the drive to Monterey before on my own. Sure there were people in the car, but I was the one navigating and driving. I kinda knew the way, I had driven all parts of it with my mom before, but it was harder without someone saying "oh, Jakob, your turn is coming up." We made it though, and we only played Limp Bizkit's "Rollin" like once or twice. KK has come to despise that song, well the Urban version anyway. She can't help but dance/bounce to it. ... I can't either, but nobody go and tell her that. :) Anyway, the drive was easy on the way there, and the first stop was at the college. I just HAD to show them where I went to school. Of course, being of which it is summer, the campus may as well have been completely deserted. I couldn't even take them up to see my dorm room since A) my key card didn't work and B) two other people were in my room and didn't know me. So that killed that. We went down to our student center (which was closed), through the Dining Commons (closed), and into the Media Learning Center (actually gasp open). They got to meet a few of my professors, and I think KK actually kind of liked it there. silently crosses fingers So after that, it was off to Carmel in order to enjoy the private beach.
Well, it isn't really a 'private' beach, but more to the point nobody really knows about it. Everyone knows about the state beach located off of Ocean Avenue, as it is "the" beach. What not everyone knows though is that about 3 miles down Highway 1 is a small community called Carmel Meadows which is about a mile to a mile and a half past the Carmel River Valley. The community's main road, Ribella, dead ends at a walkway that goes down onto the beach. This section of beach has a sharp point at both ends that prevents access to it from any place other than the small walkway in Carmel Meadows. It is great because nobody knows about it, and at any given time, there is maybe 1 or 2 other groups on the beach. When we got there, the beach was empty. Immediately, KK and Amb ran for the water. I don't think they knew how cold the Pacific Ocean was. The audible shrieks were rather amusing though. From the beach I called Jessica and Charles, who said they would meet us there, so we waited for them and then went to the Farmer's Market, had dinner, and went home. The drive home, I was pulled over for speeding. I got a warning. I'm leaving it at that, because I would just as soon forget about it. ^_^ That night, KK and I fell asleep in each other's arms.
Wrapped in a heat that warms my essence.
The day before the last day was Arden Fair mall. This was GREAT! I can't tell you how much fun this was for everyone. Puff stayed at home because Malls really aren't his thing, and so it was KK, Amb, Dustin, and myself. I had a lot to talk to KK about, so once we went through Spenser's Gifts and such and got up on the second floor, we split up. KK and I walked and talked about a lot of things, mostly what was going to happen after this trip was over. Our talking brought us to Nordstroms, and I took her down to the shoe section. There is sometihng you need to understand about KK...she HATES clothes shopping. But, you put her in the shoe department, and she goes nuts. Honestly, Nordstrom's shoe department in the Arden Fair mall (for those in the local area know this) is about the size of a small store unto itself. KK was in heaven. She ended up spending a nice chunk of $$$ on a pair of boots. I will spare her by not telling the world just HOW much, but she knows it was a lot. ^_^ It is a pair of kick-ass ass-kickin boots. Ultimately all this was leading up to that night, which was already going to be awesome. Amb had said she wanted to go to a nightclub and see what that was like.
That night we went to the Rage. It was a Wed. night, so it was the Alternative Beats Show, which was perfect since most of them were rock people anyway. The night got underway and I can't help but remember a few key scenes out of the night. One of them had to do with KK and Amb dancing together. They turned heads... OH did they turn heads. Maybe it was because they were dressed like twins. Maybe it was becasue they were gyrating and grinding and just about every guy in Cali has ears that perk up when someone mentions two girls getting it on. Maybe it was because of the kick-ass ass-kickin boots that KK was wearing. No matter what the reason though, they captivated everyone in about a 3-5 foot radius. I couldn't help but smile. Justin and I were off talkin, and Amb had gone outside to smoke / get some fresh air. A guy approached KK and asked for her name and where she was from. Apparently, she gave him the cold shoulder, and then he asked what the name of her twin was. I could only grin big when she told us that outside on the porch. It was about 1:00 or so, and I was sitting there with KK talking while Amb and Dustin chatted, and then I saw someone from school and I immediately blanched white. Thankfully, nobody could see the color drain, but KK saw my reaction. I said in a barely audible whisper that the girls that were just leaving were people from school, and that one of them I had a stupid little boyish geeky freshman crush on my first year of HS. To that, KK pulled me close and we kissed. I never saw the girls' reaction, but then again, I doubt I ever would have wanted to. I pulled away and just kinda looked through KK. For some reason, my head was spinning, again, worse than before. I remember when I kissed Sara from Oregon, it was a similar feeling - staggering, and yet this time it was more so. I blame it on the loud music, but I don't think that is entirely true. That night when we drove home, we were still very hyper, and got in about 3:00 or so in the morning. I don't think I ever slept more soundly.
Wrapped in a calm that stills yet my fire.
That morning I awoke and cuddled with KK, and everyone was slowly waking up. I put together a list of stuff that needed to be done, and for the most part, everything was done. Well, in terms of chores. There was still one thing that needed my attention. Sarah was over that day, but she spent a lot of time just chilling in my room. KK and I had a talk, and then before I knew it, she sent Sarah in, and the result was pretty messy. If you can imagine the effect of a car slamming into a brick wall, you can imagine how I felt. The entire week jammed to a halt and all because I wasn't ready to deal with things and do what I knew I needed to do. As of this entry, Sarah and I are friends. And it hurt me to talk to her, to tell her everything. Every last detail of every last little thing that KK and I did. I just about destroyed her. And she didn't cry, she said she couldn't. She said she had no idea how to react to any of this. We sat there for a long time...2 hours or more before we parted ways for the evening. KK had turned deadly silent on me, and even after Sarah was gone, she wouldn't respond to anything I said. It was like my ex from Oregon in the flesh, being cruel and cold. Whenever she opened her mouth to say something, all that came out were words meant to wound. We all went to dinner at Chilli's that night and met up with Chris J, who was at the party Sunday night. We hung out, talked, and KK was still acting the same. It was at some point during dinner that she cracked, and finally touched her foot against mine. I can't explain the emotional reaction. I think it was a mix of relief and love. Saying goodbye was torture...and now they are gone. 4 days ago they left, yesterday they arrived back home. I miss them.
I want it. I need it. I'm addicted.
The aftermath, however, when my parents got home, was rather unpleasant. More on that later...
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