Depression sucks.
I couldn't ignore the feeling while I was at New Tokyo with the officers of the CSUMB Anime Club. I couldn't shake the shadows from the back of my mind, I couldn't get the feeling out of my stomach; the churning nausea ensued and I felt like shit.
Depression sucks. It is never without cause though.
I was worried. More worried than I have been in a long time. More worried than I likely will be for a long time to come. In an hour and a half, I will either be happy that Bon is in Sacramento, or I will be driving to SMF to pick her up. I can't express how badly I hope it isn't the second option there. I have wanted to meet her for some time, yes, but not under these conditions. If I vanish, this is why.
If things fall though, I will have a Bonnie on my hands for two weeks. That should prove interesting. It also means forgoing Bryan's party tonight, which is okay except that I haven't been to one for quite a few months. Some things must be sacrificed.
At present in this entry (ignoring when I started) the flight arrives in less than 20 minutes and my heart is in my throat.
Switching gears and aiming for distraction, the new Penny-Arcade is sleek, fast, and sexy. Good qualities for a website. Emma is probably being blasted with emails right now though, as everyone goes and gets their new fix, seeing the beauty that is PA. All .gif files, all simple colors, and the only thing is that the new blue is almost too pastel-ish and doesn't match the logo. But that is my nit-picking and I will probably get blasted myself in emails for that one. Forgive me in advance.
Four minutes.
I have shut myself off from everyone; I don't want them to tell me what I am doing is crazy. But I need to be there for Bon. I have been for six years now, but I never thought it would be coming down to this. Tina wants a call when I hear the news. Spi and Thought were left in the dark. Even Makari and Shey know only pieces of what is going on. It's probably better that way.
My clock shows the flight should be in. Waiting time for the call. Am I going to Sacramento? Am I staying here and all is well?
I only wish I knew.
I only wish I knew
(Update: The crazy girl did it, and Ryan is there. Someone up there is listening to me... Real entry tonight? I hope?)
In response to "Bonnie":