"You have an Internet girlfriend? Yeah, sure Jakob, I believe you."
I almost didn't believe myself actually. Here it was, senior year, coming up on the biggest dance, and I had every intention of going. As fate would have it, I actually was with someone at the time. As fate would have it once more, she would live quite a distance away, making things such as physical dating near impossible. Her name was Sara, and while things fell apart between us, we talk once more and breathe life into a friendship that was nearly lost. But, I digress on such topics.
My friends doubted me, perhaps only Josh being the one who held any belief, that itself being tied to me talking to her at his house online. Most everyone else, friend or otherwise, could only scoff or pretend they heard nothing. It was really disturbing, actually; people so lost in the belief that you cannot care for a person and have never seen them in person. God forbid you fall in love with their personality. But I did, as she did with me, and I was committed. Senior Ball loomed on the horizon, and I felt for sure that I would finish High School in the same fashion I entered -- alone and damn proud of it as far as I was concerned. Sure, Sara and I talked about her coming down to Roseville for the Ball, but I never thought she would. I mean, this was her flying down for the sake of seeing me of all people. Logically, at least in my mind anyway, this was not only irrational, but improbable as well.
Needless to say, when I was talking to her on ICQ, the news that she had plane tickets sent me into an ecstasy I can not even begin to describe. That very next day, I had a smug "fuck you" type grin on my face around school that would not go away. "You have an Internet girlfriend?" I would hear, to which I would simply reply, "Yeah, I will introduce you in May." I was scoffed still, but I cared not. It was an empowering sense actually, to know that I didn't care what others thought of me or my situation. I suppose to some degree I still long for that feeling. So finally, May 5 has arrived and this is the day she is due to arrive, and it is all I can do to maintain myself.
Dragonball Z hummed softly in the background, as it was the only anime on at the time, and I wanted something to distract me. It didn't help, as I began to pace and fidget. It is a horrible habit I have, this fidgeting. It happens when I get nervous, but this is a special kind of nervous. One that seems reserved for the meeting people I have never met face to face before, but now I am kind of nervous. And as the episode of DBZ wore on, the anxiety curved sharply upward. Finally, there was a knock and I was at the door like a rocket. I admit, I was watching for the car, but given the conditions, I will still say it is justified.
And there she was, beautiful in every way. There is something odd about it actually, a state of shock you are in when you see someone for the first time even though you have known them online for a while. You could hold a picture of them up, you could stand the person next to the picture, and you would swear that the person isn't real, and that this is all still some part of a crazy dream you get from when you snack on Chicken In A Biscuits before bedtime. But there she was, and I shook hands with her dad after the shock wore off, and brought them inside. My family and hers (her and her dad were the two that came) shot the bull for a while, and then I gave Sara a tour of the house. We got back to my room, sat on the bed, and finally the shock wore off. I gave her a huge hug, and my fingers closed around something other than a pillow I held onto at night. She seemed as happy as I did, and we quickly finished the tour, and went out back where she could see our backyard, meet Chrissy (our Black Lab) and talk some more.
By the time we finished talking and visiting and just about everything else you could imagine you would do the first time you see someone face to face, we had to call it a night. Tomorrow was the sixth, and that meant it was Senior Ball.
The morning was spent wait just general shopping and touring of Roseville, while my mother, the wonderful woman that she is, picked up the corsage and boutonniere for our formal attire. In the early afternoon, we hit the Roseville Chili's, which seems to be the location of two of the biggest events of my life. We had a wonderful dinner/late lunch, and then she returned to get ready and take care of her hair, as did I. When the night began to arrive, so did she.
My attire for the evening was simple, yet it screamed of my personality. It was simple black and white, no flash at all. I would have worn something a bit more assertive, but that just wasn't me at the time. Sara's dress was amazing, a hit pink material with a black lace overlay, creating a purple-red that could only be described as mauve. With gloves beyond the elbows, and shoes that worked perfectly, it was a sight to behold. The color picked for the corsage was a perfect compliment and everything was working wonderfully. It was the time to depart.
Oh wait, no it wasn't, we had to be subjected to at least a dozen pictures by my parents, then by her dad, then backups by my dad, then my mom to make sure everything was ready- and people wonder why I hate dressing up?
So finally, we were ready to go. It started at seven or so, but really it didn't matter since we weren't planning on getting food there. I also had a gut feeling we wouldn't want anything to drink once we were there either. The Senior Ball was at the Arden Country Club which was about a good half hour drive from Roseville, ample time to talk each direction. When we did get there, it was very impressive, with the fountain in front lit up, and the lights of the club shining in the night. About the only thing missing was valet parking. We must have gotten lucky though since there was a spot relatively close. We then made our way into the Ball.
I really have no idea how to express my first reaction to it. I suppose had I been who I am now, I would have been out on the dance floor dancing and not caring, but at the time, my conservative nature kept me at bay. The first stop was the photo line. Somehow, we ended up at the front of the line, because we thought it was the end and nobody said anything. Since that was done a lot faster than planned, we decided to see who was eating, and who was drinking. The correct answer to that wonder is none to the first, and all to the last. The table we sat at hosted Travis, Justin, Dan, and their dates. Justin was beyond drunk, to the point he actually retched at the table. Alcohol was offered around, but both Sara and I turned it down. I guess to some degree I was being protective, but I also know her father would not have been happy (to say the least) if her daughter got drunk.
Sara loved every minute of this. She had never been in a high school environment, and this was new to her. She soaked it all in like a sponge, and wanted to meet all these people. It was about now that I began to notice a few casual eyes from around the room. I didn't see Chris, but I saw him in the line for photos and introduced him and Kari to Sara, and I hadn't seen Blair yet, although I am sure of all people he would be somewhere with Ryan. I excused myself for a few, and while meandering, I ran into Ashley, who complimented Sara's hair. Now, for those who never met her, the hair dropped down to mid thigh (which is probably a conservative estimate). Braided and with a tie on the end, it was an impressive sight. I talked with a few other people, and got a general feel for how things were going and what people were thinking. Recon is a valuable skill in these situations since you can be talking and saying one thing, but there will be a completely different intent. Finally, I returned to the table to find Dan about as plastered as everyone else. Sara insisted in pictures with the boy, and so pictures were had. I found it amusing how throughout the night, she would take pictures, but hate to be in them.
After dinner we found ourselves wandering and occasionally going out to the walkway under the heat lamps. We sat down for a bit to rest since Sara's feet were hurting, and on impulse, it just happened. We kissed. It was my first, and I will spare the sappy-ness that I am sure would ensue if I detailed. So there it was for the world, my first kiss was 17, under the heat lamps, in the walkway, of the Arden Country Club.
The next stop was a quiet stairway that lead up into the exercise slash fitness room. We stopped at the top, and this was our conversation spot. We talked for a while, and Sara griped about her feet hurting, so I did what felt right and gave them a massage. It should be a crime to wear heels for more than five minutes maximum. While we were there, Ashley stopped by, as did Danny Herb, who was someone who I had known since the third or fourth grade. Introductions and casual talk were made, and then the guest was gone. From our perch, we could see the heat lamp walkway, the entrance to the photo area, the dining area, and part of the dance room. We tried to stay out of the dance room, which smelled horribly of alcohol. After a while of watching and waiting, we went down into the front area, where it was very quiet, and cuddled up on a chair for a bit. We then got a notion to take pictures of ourselves in front of the chandeliers, so we did that, and while doing that, someone stole our seat. So we stayed on the other side of the lobby. That picture is forever seared in my mind since the couple on that chair were likely having some oral sex fun. I'm sorry, but females do not go sniffing a guy's crotch, no matter how drunk they are. As I recall, Sara and I got a lot of amusement out of that, probably more than we should have. Eventually, we made our way back inside, under the heat lamps, talked to Danny and Colin and Blair, and then made our way back inside. It was this last time inside that I met Will and had one of the more memorable conversations of the night.
And then it was here, the last song. Vanessa Williams, "Save the Best for Last." I asked her to dance with me, and it was the second ever time I slow danced. Thankfully there is no science to it. As we spun in a slow circle, I saw other faces. People I knew looked back at me. Ashley smiled and nodded. Something was right about this moment; something was right about this dance. I felt something inside of me change at that point, and I could hear the words of before:
"You have an Internet Girlfriend?" "Yes, and I love her dearly."
The dance ended at that point, and Sara and I went out to the car. When we were there, she took off her shoes and used the glass of the Honda to help her feet. We went to Carrows for food, and then I dropped her off at home. I was on such an emotional high I didn't sleep. I was back at her hotel room to say hi and talk the next day.
And it was Sunday, the last day. Just like that, the weekend was gone and Sara would be going away. I admit I cried, which is a rarity for me these days. There was something very cinematic about the day and the departure, as the grey skies began to lightly open up while I walked with Sara and her dad to their rented car. And I watched them drive away in that blue car and turn the corner onto Vista Creek. I curled up in the rain and cried.
"You have an Internet Girlfriend?" "Yes, and I love her dearly."
Epilogue... I suppose to this day I could still say I love her dearly, but in a different way. Things between us changed with time, but things are always for the better. She is happy now, and Jesse is a wonderful guy for her who can make her dreams come through. I sometimes wonder what things would have been like if they had gone a different way. But then again, I wonder why I would want things any different than having a good friend who I know I can trust my darkest secrets in my past to. I sincerely want the best for her, and I think Jesse may just be that "best" she needs. ^_^
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