Supply, Demand, and Value. I suppose by doing these private things less, it somehow would increase the value (assuming demand remained a constant). Anyway, for those that were privy to Welch, who loved to draw the S, the D, and the $ charts, you know how it all works. I have been working hard to keep my journal much lighter, especially the part that is visible to the public. So after I do a little dance and act silly, I shall continue this entry.
Okay, there.
I'm a bit annoyed at a friend who doesn't even know I am annoyed at them. Now before you go and say something, it's not you. If it was you, I would probably just tell you directly. Unless I am already weighing your reaction against me telling you and then the whole thing dissolves into a flurry of what-ifs that leave me sitting dumbfounded and staring at my screen with an emotional type of writer's block. It used to be easier I suppose. I could angst at will, could be emotional on the outside, and that was good. Then I came back to how I was before I was like that and realized it was easier to hide things, to be happy. I may seem quieter and in my studies, but a recent poll says I appear happier to everyone. Really, this is a good thing, especially with Friday coming up. See, I will have my smile, my step, and will be treating Friday like Friday. That is, until someone reminds me what day it is, or someone walks in with roses and a big thing of balloons or some whack shit like that. Then all the happiness will likely fly away like a spooked raven. I really don't have reason to be bitter, as I have yet to actually spend a 14th actively with another person. I don't count the time with Kat on the sole basis that we weren't fully into the seeing each other mode at the time. Anyway, I suppose I get bitter since I tend to be the one that gets to listen to everyone's happy stories about what their S.O.s did for them, how they get to go to dinner, things like that. That doesn't mean not tell me, because I like to help people scheme in order to make someone smile. That is a good thing. I mean, shoot, that was why I did all that work for Jr. Prom - so people could be happy that night. (Even if I wasn't going due to the cosmos saying "fuck you" or something.)
Continuing with this digression, and completely forgoing the whole friend thing (because I still am clueless on how to tell them I have become a convienient sounding board for them), I feel the slow tingle of dread on the horizon. It is the kind that says one month of conditioning myself is going to be put to the test. I may go, work, have the ASAP meeting and go home, or I may just be crazy, and be social. Or I could do something else completely different, but I somehow doubt that. Anywho all things considered, [me happy] just isn't in the cards for a good long while. I'm slowly trying to deal with it, and even though deep down I know it doesn't do any good, I'm still trying to be happy and a friend, and all the good stuff that is supposed to entail. So now I shall strengthen my resolve, push onward, fight the good fight, and all that jazz. Just don't go flaunting your roses in front of me on Friday and all shall be good. Deal? Yeah, that's what I thought. Comments are off because I really don't want them.
rarity unspoken
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